It feels like I am just too close to love you

Yeah, this is “that song from the IE9 commerical” — though it should be said I am in no way advocating the use of Internet Explorer. 

“Too Close”

Alex Clare

2011

The Lateness of the Hour

I’d like to buy the world a Coke.

“I’d Like to Teach the World to Sing (In Perfect Harmony)”

(Original Coca-Cola “Hilltop” commercial version)

The New Seekers

1971

We’d Like to Teach the World to Sing

A friend of mine is getting married next week (to another friend of mine; we’ve all known each other since high school). Originally, her bachelorette party was going to be a bachelorette weekend, and we planned on spending last Saturday at the beach.

Of course, Deb’s memorial service came up, and so we decided to hold off. So, today, three of us went for a day trip to Wrightsville. After we spent some time roasting our skin, we planned on going back in the water — unfortunately, an enormous school of jellyfish decided to show up and declared Jellyfish Only Swim for about an hour.

Yep, screw that.

As the tide went out, one of them ended up on the sand without any chance of another wave taking it back out. I began to consider what Darwin would think of me if I tried to save the poor bastard. Then, I realized that I could become the God of Jellyfish and this floundering soul could spread the gospel of my mercy.

Having eaten jellyfish before, I felt a bit indebted to the beached animal. I chose to become a merciful god, but only after making the bachelorette promise to pay me $5 if it stung me.

Fortunately, I am not only the daughter of a neuroscientist who specializes in pain research, but I’m very familiar with Finding Nemo. I (bravely) picked it up by its little jellyfish head and sent it to go be with its kind.

How to Save a Life

On the flip side, I failed to recognize that we were encountering cabbage head jellyfish, which do not sting. So, we totally could have been swimming with hundreds of harmless jellyfish. I’m putting that on my bucket list now.

Speaking of bucket lists, check out Alice Pyne’s bucket list / blog.

The 2005 TV commercial that changed my life

“Heartbeats”

José González

2003

Veneer

 

This is the Sony Bravia commercial with all the colored bouncy-balls that blew my mind way back in the year TWO THOUSAND FIVE. It may very well have been the first song from a commercial that imprinted well enough for me to incorporate it in my brain’s catalog of random melodies. For what it’s worth, I own a Sony Bravia now. That’s unrelated, I think… but it is an excellent TV.

Anyway, everything about this commercial and music is still beautiful. It was nice and sunny today — there were even BIRDS singing — however, I spent the entire day in my bed shaking my fist at the people at work who gave me a mildly-bothersome cold. They don’t really deserve a fist-shaking, because they’re good people, but I always start to feel a cold for about a week before it actually starts… mostly because my nostrils are unusually small. I can’t even pick my nose properly.

I couldn’t reliably wear headgear such as sunglasses, until I was in high school. The only reason for this was because my nose wasn’t enough of a platform for the bridge of the glasses — everything would slip right off my face like someone had tried to put sunglasses on a flat wall. I did, eventually, manage to master sticking plastic spoons to my nose (when I tilted my head back), though.

Anyway, this nose issue was notably bothersome because in 7th grade,  I suddenly discovered that I was extremely nearsighted and desperately needed corrective lenses. Putting aside the fact that I began having issues reading the chalkboard in 3rd grade, the final straw was after a few embarrassing mix-ups when I thought my 7th grade crush was winking at me from across the room. From what I remember, he’d never even been looking at me, and he eventually avoided me altogether because whenever I was trying to wink “back” at him, he thought I had some weird facial tic.

I still remember his birthday. That’s sad. I even tried to give him a present that year, but he gave it back. That’s not even the worst part, though. He still remembers that. Eleven years later. I… was awkward.

Anyway, when 12-year-old me walked out of my optometrist’s office for the first time while wearing glasses, I remember feeling like I had entered some strange new plane of existence where individual leaves were visible on trees and the entire world that existed 18 inches in front of my face was not, as I had erroneously believed, a Monet painting. I thought that was why he was so well known; because he painted things the way everyone actually perceived them all the time. Then, I found out about Monet’s debilitating cataracts (which led to awesome paintings).

The most incredible part about my delusions of vision was that I thought that photographs of the night sky were always extremely long exposures so that they could capture not just the night sky as people normally see it, but so it could capture MORE than the three or four stars I’d been assuming everyone had been seeing. When I was a small child, I quickly identified with Orion’s Belt purely because it was the only constellation I ever actually saw. Except I called it “O’Brien’s Belt” because my dad let me watch a lot of Star Trek.

Naturally, I pretty much shat bricks when I looked at the sky that first night with glasses. Within a year, I saw my first shooting star… and subsequently almost had a seizure. It was midnight and I was in Wyoming, of all places. I was pretty sure it we’d arrived at the apocalypse, because bright fiery shit was ALL OVER THE SKY.

I started wearing contacts by the end of 8th grade, but every time the subject of my almost-lifelong near-blindness comes up, my mom cries out that she was such a horrible mother for not realizing her child couldn’t actually make out most of the world for so long. However, neither of my parents needed glasses until their mid-40s, and the only blood relatives I had that did need glasses at a young age were two uncles and one of their sons. There wasn’t much of a reason to expect my vision would suck as bad as it did. Personally, I think it’s kind of quirky and interesting that I lived in a painting — a la What Dreams May Come — for a large part of my childhood.

Things did start to make sense, after a while. When I was a baby and toddler, I was suspiciously focused on changing patterns of light — say, through a window late in the afternoon, or when my mom put me under a leafy tree on a sunny day.

What my mom thought was Genius Baby extracting mathematical hypotheses for the entrancing patterns before me was much more likely just me being weirded out by the contrast and crispness of bright light and dark colors. And who knows, maybe I was hearing Tchaikovsky or something while I was staring at all that… but my infant memory is, unfortunately, not my superpower.

 

“we dig dig dig dig dig dig dig in our mine the whole day through”

 

Since I apparently can’t locate a source for this song on its own (in the US), here’s the Levi’s commercial that got it stuck in my head.

UPDATE, Nov 24: Found a link to the song featured in the Levi’s commercial.

Heigh-Ho (The Dwarfs’ Marching Song) – Original

Bunny Berigan & His Orchestra

1930s

 

Levi’s Commercial:

 

Want an MP3 version? Try using http://www.video2mp3.net with the first video.

 

At this point, I feel I should mention that I have absolutely no memory of making my last post. Probably because I was, in fact, “totally wasted on Versed,” which is what they used to sedate me while they stuck a tube down my throat on Friday. It would be nice to be that way again. Sedated, that is — not with a tube down my throat.

 

The Ramones

so did they

Endoscopy was normal (as expected), but I’m having new pain right around the Bubble of Doom on my liver, so that means more doctor time this week. It’s weird to notice a new substantial pain and think, “Hey, this is awesome!” since it might mean there could finally be enough information to explain why I feel like I have a knife in my abdomen.

Plus, every time I need blood work, one of my best friends from high school ends up drawing it, and we get to talk about the baby she’s having… and it blows  my mind that she’s having a baby (she’s going to be an awesome mom). Coincidentally, she found out she was pregnant a week before I came in to get my Depo shot.

That was fun, because the pregnancy test I took right before getting the shot came back as a false positive, and I was in the middle of a “wtf is going on” moment when aforementioned friend realized what was going on and came in and helped me through the “holy wtf, how is babby formed?” moment, while it lasted.

 

How is babby formed?

actually, no, not "truely sorry for (my) lots"

I should note here that every Father’s Day, I get Mark a “Happy Not Father’s Day” card. We’re not looking into the whole reproduction thing right now — at all — so it’s something to celebrate.

Aaaanyway. The procedure on Friday was my second upper endoscopy, and I can now say with confidence that the sensation that you’re choking on a long metal tube, Matrix-style, is not pleasant at all — nor does it get less disturbing after you’ve experienced it once. I started hallucinating as they finally got enough Versed in me to knock me out (tolerance is high with my other medications) — I saw two squirrels fighting on a table next to me, and I think I said something about it to one of the nurses. I remember that as the high point of my day. Pun intended.

 

Battle Squirrel

brought to you by: powerful sedatives

The next thing I remember is trying to pull the tube out of my throat because I had just woken up in the middle of the procedure, and a doctor and a couple nurses were trying to get me to chill out while they pumped enough Versed in me to kill a horse. It just put me back to sleep, which means I am clearly more robust and lively than a horse.

Versed has a tendency to supply a bit of amnesia after the it’s run its course, so I don’t really remember this, but apparently I really wanted to go to the grocery store as soon as they decided I was ready for my mother to drive me home. This makes some sense, as I had been fasting since the previous evening and there wasn’t much for me to eat at home. I think I remember trying to describe myself as a Hungry Hungry Hippo.

 

"Honestly, I was never that hungry hungry."

I have this shirt somewhere. I am not pictured here, however -- don't get confused.

I must have been really obnoxious about my desire to visit the store, though, because I did end up with a lot of food. I vaguely remember being in the parking lot of Harris Teeter beforehand. I think I was stumbling around and slurring my words, and my mom might have said something about me seeming intoxicated and that it may not be the best time to go grocery shopping… that’s all extremely likely, at the very least. She dropped me off back at my house, I think I ate a couple chocolate chip cookies, and then I passed out hard on the couch. I think Mark had already been home for a while before I woke up.

That said, nothing else new or interesting is really going on. I’ve been playing retarded games on my phone a lot, and wondering why I didn’t think to inquire about sick time when I got my job. It’s a new company, so there isn’t any — so, that translates to the elimination of my tiny savings account over the past two months. I’ve yet to go into credit debt, but at this point it sort of just seems like a matter of time. Thank god I made myself get an extremely low credit limit.

 

Discover card

Does anyone actually own one of these? I've never seen one in the wild.

The whole economy/health care system thing sort of sucks right now, as it turns out. Who would’ve ever seen THAT coming??

 

 

 

 

 

“oye, muñeca ya mueve la cadera sobre el ritmo y las trompetas. feel the beat kick hard como escopeta.”

Return of the Tres

Delinquent Habits

2000

Merry Go Round

Yes, this song was in a Nike commercial.

Basically, THE sickest remix. Possibly ever.

TWO-PART VIDEO EXTRAVAGANZA!

(aka the perfect beginning to my four-day weekend)

“Mashed Potatoes”

KeVinMADe

between 2006 and 2010

Mashed up from:

Tootsie Roll commercial (1984)

Monster Hospital by Metric (2006)

Overnight Celebrity by Twista ft. Kanye West (2004)

Cause I Love You by Lenny Williams (1978)

Hustlin’ by Rick Ross (2006)

Neva Eva (Get On My Level) by Lil Scrappy & Trillville ft. Lil Jon & The East Side Boyz (2004)

Human After All by Daft Punk (2005)

Still Tippin’ by Mike Jones (2004)

In Between Days by The Cure (1985)

I know there’s more in there (especially under Metric towards the beginning, and maybe a couple minutes of Scatman John? Help me out!!

If I don’t have a posting up for the next couple days, I will have three days worth of songs posted by Sunday night.

Have a great weekend!

Set some shit on fire!

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“how many times have i been waiting by the door to hear these chimes… to hear that someone debonaire has just arrived?”

“A Night Like This”

Caro Emerald

2009

Deleted Scenes from the Cutting Room Floor